A well-deserved cast-iron pan of the not-ready-for-basic-cable Netflix lesbian-themed film "A New York Christmas" included the statement that your not-so-humble reviewer could write a better LGBTQcentric holiday film. The below outline of such a production proves this. Producers remain welcome to put their money where my mouth is located. One spoiler is that, unlike "Wedding," there is no element of when a fetus dies an angel gets his wings.
Another spoiler is that this concept is the result of a recent 30-minutes sleepless period. In other words, writing an entertaining Christmascom is far from rocket science.
This ready for Logo and Lifetime alike no-reason-to-feel-guilty pleasure centers around 40 year-old Lucas Thomas and his 30 year-old "boy" Dimitri Pappas. (Yes, there will be plenty of Greek jokes.) The relationship of these longtime companions dates back to 21 year-old recent college graduate Dimitri being a production assistant (aka prod ass) on a reality show on which Lucas is an associate producer. Dimitri responds to the criticism of his friends by stating that Lucas is not that old, is not that fat and that he is rich and he adores me.
Nine years later, an out-but-not-so-proud Lucas is the creator/executive producer of a highly rated reality show called "Budz, Studz, and Sudz" that has a different group of (often only wearing Daisy Dukes and work boots) straight men build something while drinking and talking about babes, baseball, and brews.
Dimitri has a token associate producer job that merely facilitates Lucas having the company pay for the lifestyle to which the "boy" has become accustomed. Mornings lounging by the pool in a Speedo and afternoons shopping on Rodeo Drive are justified by a need to present a good image of the company.
Of course, our story begins in early December. Production is starting on a season titled "Deck the Hallz," which finds a group of FEDEX-style delivery drivers building a porch on their jointly-owned fishing cabin in the woods.
The inevitable surprise is Dimitri learning that former college classmate Richard Cabot with whom he had a textbook "its complicated" relationship is one of the guys with a big package. The nature of the relationship is that the college years found Dimitri transitioning from fratboy to fabulous. He and Richard already were good friends when a combination of a heart-to-heart and hormones brought things to a new level and both boys to their knees.
The friendship continued, and the booty calls always involved Richard needing to truly feel valued and share intimacy more than needing to get off. Dimitri accepted that his friend did not really love him. However, being low on the senior-year priority list of his "Brokeback" buddy caused a cessation of all intercourse a few months before graduation.
The post-college life of Richard has involved completely leaving his experimental period aside and initially dating a string of bimbos until meeting Ms. Good Enough who is happy to let him spend most of his free time with the boys,
Anyone who has ever seen one of these movies know that Dimitri and Richard start out as polite colleagues, grow closer, and then have a large fight. For his part, Lucas simultaneously becomes increasing jealous and reminds Dimitri that they never were soulmates.
All of this leads to a West Hollywood ending in which Dimitri chooses being a bro over being a ho.